things are good and I'm a looser

Ok, so I've taken a break.  Reflexed a bit, read 4 really thick books, and spent a lot of time tickling my boys.  I am sad to say that although I read 4 books in a week and a half, i have spent NO time reading the Bible.  

I have spent NO time in prayer.  

I have spent NO time in studying the Bible, journaling, singing prais songs or even listening to christian music.  (Music is my favorit way I worship, and I love to sing out loud when I'm home alone.  I wouldn't subject anyone else to it.)  I'm often moved to tears when I sing to God.  (at home or church doesn't matter)  It's the words, the message.  It moves me.  But I have not sung in a long time.  

I've found other things, less worthy things, to fill my time.  (Not that tickeling my kids is in anyway less important, but I havn't even mentioned Jesus or God to them in over a month, and I tuck both of them into bed almost everynight!!!)  What is wrong with me?  Why am I so easily distracted by fiction books, but when it comes to reading my Bible (Which is thinner than anyone of the 4 "fiction" books I devoured,) I havn't the will power to pick it up.  I'm only human is such a joke of an answer.   In any of the trials in my life, I have fallen into God, but right now things are "good" and I'm a looser.  

I know God is there, He has never left me.  But I'm not interested in Him at the moment.  Although once the words are out, I will say, they are a lie.  I am still interested in God and what I know He can do.  It's more accurate to say I'm scared!!!  I'm scared of what I would have to give up to follow Him 100%.  I'm scared of the reaction of my friends and family.  I'm scared that I would be labeled a "Jesus Freak" or that I'd "been hit on the head with the Jesus stick"  or what have you.  I'm scared to take a lead that isn't mine to take, to step on toes, to cause a rucas.  Most of all, I'm scared of failing.  Of being only 1 person.  Of not being enough.  Not having enough to give or be.    So that's that.  

I'm outa here for today.  I have a son who wants to be tickled.  

With him there is no fear of not being enough.