Fear is a straing thing. It can take the joy right out of a person, and fill them with dispare. For me; it sends me in a downward spiral, and I usually realize it, and am able to stop it before I go to far. Usually.
For some time now, Bob and I have been looking at having a procedure done on Mike that is fairly routine, but scarey still the same. My fears are many, and weigh heavy on my heart, and mind. What if it's uncusseful? Nothing changes, but we suffer disapointment AGAIN!!! What if something goes wrong and he ends up worse off than he is now? How would my family react to him if he was in a wheelchair? Lost his ability to speak? Was suddenly, mentally, a two yr. old again? How would I react? I want to say I could handle it but, in all honesty, I don't know. How will we cover the costs? Surgery, therapy, staying out of town for so long? How can I schedule this and plan for Bob to be out of town for two weeks? The summer only has so many weeks in it...
What about Greg? So often I feel he gets shorted. He's "normal" so my fears aren't the same for him. I have the "typical" mom fears for him... You know the "what if" he gets a girl pregnant, or "what if" he decides to do something really dumb. Nothing that's really major in the grand scheme of things. Certainly, not something that his father and I are considering doing to him that there is a chance, be it ever so small, that he could die from it,like with Mike. Don't get me wrong I have the same "mom" fears with Mike, but there are more pressing fears to deal with. I actually don't mind my fears as much with Greg because they are the "normal" fears. Therefore they are easier to deal with.
Well, I am going to stop rambling now. Good night!
1 comment:
Hey Thea,
You're right...fear is something that can truly be paralyzing...and I think that most people, whether they admit it or not, are frozen by it at some time in their lives. I know I have been...more often than I care to admit.
I totally understand your fear about Mikey's surgery...it's a decision that can profoundly affect his life. The very fact that you're so worried about making the right decision tells me two things...that you're a terrific mother who loves her child and wants the very best for him and that whatever decision that you and Bobby come to will be the right one--because the decision will have been made with Mikey's very best interest at heart. That's all any parent can do.
Take heart. You are loved. You are expressing your fears and that is a very good step toward overcoming them.
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