As the year is coming to an end, I've spent some time this evening looking over the past yrs. blogs It's made me smile, laugh out loud, and cry more than I would have liked.
Smile to see where my boys, husband and I have come from in so many ways.
Laugh out loud to remeber some of the things my children have said and done through out the year. (IE: Penis BIG- Greg/ 2009) I wish I had written more of it down. There are little things you think you'll remember but then life gets busy and you forget.
Cry, because I saw just how low I had gotten. Wow, I can't believe there was actually a time when I was so frustrated that I was seriously thinking of leaving my husband. Thank you Tammie for stepping in, and calling him. I know it was difficult, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate you stepping out of your comfort zone for me. I can't believe how stressed out I have been this year. I know it's true, I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget... But looking back at it, it's been a rough year. I can't believe how far I've fallen, and who's been there to help me back up. Not the people I would have expected at this time last yr. I don't remember making new friends, it seems like I've know them for years. I don't remember loosing old friends, it seems like they've been gone forever, or where never really there to begin with.
As I get older, I realize just how little I really understand. I realize that, in that, I'm not alone. I'm a hard person to understand. Thank you to all who actually take the time to get to know me, and understand what I say and how I mean it. (Usually, the two don't seem to go hand in hand!)
On Jan. 3rd. I asked for prayer. I said my life was out of balance. Well, it still is and looking back over this past yrs. blogs, I haven't done ANYTHING to change that. In fact, I've just gotten madder and madder at God. What has it gotten me? A more bitter heart is all. I'm tired of being bitter. I'm tired of fighting, but I'm scared shit less, to fall into Gods arms. If I want the joy I've lost, I realize that's my only choice. But saying it and doing it are two different things.
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