Fear is a straing thing. It can take the joy right out of a person, and fill them with dispare. For me; it sends me in a downward spiral, and I usually realize it, and am able to stop it before I go to far. Usually.
For some time now, Bob and I have been looking at having a procedure done on Mike that is fairly routine, but scarey still the same. My fears are many, and weigh heavy on my heart, and mind. What if it's uncusseful? Nothing changes, but we suffer disapointment AGAIN!!! What if something goes wrong and he ends up worse off than he is now? How would my family react to him if he was in a wheelchair? Lost his ability to speak? Was suddenly, mentally, a two yr. old again? How would I react? I want to say I could handle it but, in all honesty, I don't know. How will we cover the costs? Surgery, therapy, staying out of town for so long? How can I schedule this and plan for Bob to be out of town for two weeks? The summer only has so many weeks in it...
What about Greg? So often I feel he gets shorted. He's "normal" so my fears aren't the same for him. I have the "typical" mom fears for him... You know the "what if" he gets a girl pregnant, or "what if" he decides to do something really dumb. Nothing that's really major in the grand scheme of things. Certainly, not something that his father and I are considering doing to him that there is a chance, be it ever so small, that he could die from it,like with Mike. Don't get me wrong I have the same "mom" fears with Mike, but there are more pressing fears to deal with. I actually don't mind my fears as much with Greg because they are the "normal" fears. Therefore they are easier to deal with.
Well, I am going to stop rambling now. Good night!
