Almost Heaven...

So I am in Pentwater Michigan. The weather is wonderful. 60 degrees outside right now and a bright blue sky. The lakes are glorious to look at. The lilacs are still out up here, and the geese and swans have their young out on the water, and my young are sleeping on the floor next to me.
I think this is as close to heaven as you can get without kicking the bucket. Although Bob is not here with me, and that makes me sad:( I've filled my week with taking the kids to parks, and just letting them run around and be children. It's great. All to soon though I will be on the road with them picking up Bob from the airport, and back in Ohio. Don't get me wrong, I love the people, and things where we live, but if it was all magically moved to North West Michigan, I wouldn't complain at all.
Gotta run, the boys are waking up.

Thea

Lost my grandma... Please help!

Ok so I am in Michigan, and decided that I was going to visit my grandma. But I lost her. Bob and I've looked everyplace and she is no where to be found. We've spent hours walking around, looking for her, but she has up and vanished. I even called my dad and asked where the last place he visited her was, but he just laughed and said it had been to long since he had visited her, he would have no idea where to look. Finally Bob and I found her. Right where she was the last time I visited her. Between Q and R, up on a hill, right next to my grandpa and his parents. In the cemetary.
I lost my grandma in 1993. She was a great woman, had a hart of gold, and would do anything to help you out. Atleast that's what I remember, I was 15 when she past, so I may have had a bit of a slant at the way I looked at things, but that is ok. She was my grandma. The woman I strive to be like daily.

Home?

Home.... interesting....
Where is home? Is home a physical locatioin? Or a place made up of the people you love?
Is Ohio my "home" or is Kalamazoo? Portage? No not Portage. In Portage I have a place to crash, but I wouldn't call it a home in the warm fuzzy sense of the word. Although if home is a place made up of the people I love, then anywhere could be home. I can make my home in any state as long as the people I care about and love support me. I think it would have to be a northern state, because I miss sledding and building snow men and the like. I also like the "look" of winter, you know snow drapped trees, big gray clouds in the sky, the smell of snow. Yes, it really dose have a smell, but you won't experience it unless you spend a lot of time in it, it's a very elusive sent. Just thoughts about where I want to make my home. There are others, But they are more worldly, and I don't feel like thinking about the financal, ect. right now.

The wonderlust bug...

As I sit here writting this, the house is totally quiet except for the ticking of two different clocks. Of course these clocks are ticking at different tones and intervals, weird. I am sitting at my grandmothers in Michigan, and watching the sun rise hit the trees on the field outside her dinningroom window. I must admit that whenever I come "home", I feel a strong desire to pack up and move back to SW Michigan. (Anywhere, from Battle Creek West and from Grand Rapids south to the Indiana line.)
Crazy some would say, it's cold and theres a lot of snow in the winter time, I would agree, and that's why I moved to South Carolina as soon as I was old enough. But I've had enough of the heat (hence us living in Ohio), and I miss my family. This past winter we came up here and where able to take the kids sledding (I mean really sledding!!!) Not something Ohio winters are able to provide as a general rule.
Don't get me wrong, I love where we live. We go to a good church, have a lot of cool friends, and some not so cool. Live in a wonderful house, with lots of room for the kids to run aroud. Mike has done great in school this year, and I am really looking forward to him going back next year. Our doctors and Theropists are great, and I don't know if I could find a better team of people to work with him.
But I have again, been bitten by the wonderlust bug.

France and Egypt...

Ok so I said I would elaborate on the trip to France only to end up in Egypt.

Here goes, try to keep up, it may be a bit confusing.

So I got pregnent= Wooohoo I'm going to France.
28 weeks of pregnancy= learning a new language, buying a new wardrobe, reading all the guide books and stuff that goes along with planning a trip.
Delivery Day 28 weeks 6 days into my pregnancy= What the fuck.... I've landed in Egypt, hot, dry, and damn scary. Not what I spent the past 28 weeks resurching, and learning about. Great! Now I have to learn a new language, and all the cloths are wrong, and what about all the cool stuff I was going to see and do in France? I'll never get to that stuff now.

If I dwell on never making it to France (AKA a normal pregnancy and delivery and child) I will never see the cool stuff in Egypt (AKA where I am now). I'll miss all the perimids, the cool people, the sights. Sure learning a new language is difficult, but if I never learn the language how can I communicate with others in Egypt? And there are a lot of others in Egypt.

Ok so that's that. Not mine originally, but I heard it and thought it was a great example of how to explain how I feel when it comes to what's going on in my world.

Oh and by the way. Mike just came up and said "kiss" then puckered up and leaned in so I could kiss him. Yet another thing to be excited about. (Another thing to see/do in Egypt.)

Thank God that's over....

Ok so Mikes IEP was today. (IEP= indiviual education plan) I always stress about doing it. Always!!! I get depressed, and angry, and moody because it's a constant reminder that the "normal" child I wanted isn't there. (It's a lot like planning a trip to France, only to land in Egypt. I'll elaborate more on a different blog post sometime. Just think about it for now.)

It's difficult to think about the goals you want to set for your child for the next year. You want to make them attainable without being to easy, not an easy thing to do. Thankfully we have an amazing team of people working with Mike right now. They are open to my ideas, and are always glad to share ideas with me about tweaking things to play on his strengths. His teacher is wonderful. His aid is amazing. The theropists are so open and honest, and positive. (Which is good because it's hard for me to remain positive at times.) I am thankful for the situation we are in right now. I realize it could change in a hartbeat, but right now in this moment, life is good. AND I am thankful that I'm done with IEP's for another six months to a year.

Two things in life....

"Two things in life are certain, taxes and death."
-I have no idea who said this, and don't want to look it up right now.

So the question is what happens to our kids say we kick the bucket before they are 18? I went to a future planning for children with special needs seminar this past weekend and it was VERY informative, and a real eye opener. Every parent, regardless if you have a special needs child or not, should have your affairs in order. Arrangements made with a funeral director, a will, a general durable power of attorny, a medical durable power of attorny, a living will (different than a regular will), and a letter of intent. (and all of it should be updated every 5 years at the most.)

For me these questions are what keep me up at night.

Who will get my boys should Bob and I pass?
I have a number of people in mind, but Mike has a medical condition that requires a lot of doctors apts. and only one person has ever even asked how Mikes braces go on. He will always have CP and the family who we trust our kids with will have to deal with that for the rest of his and their lives. (That's a big thing to deal with.)

How will my boys be raised?
Things happen and a two parent family isn't always possable, but I want my boys to have both a mom and a dad, if Bob and I should bite the big one. I'm not putting down divorcies or the like, but boys need a father. (As they get older, they need their father more and their mother less.) Our boys are strong willed and need a family who can deal with them.

Other kids in the house?
Other kids are not a necisity, but if they are there how do they and our boys get along? Are they a lot older than our two or not? How are they treated? Would they be ok with the addition of two brothers? How do they relate to each other and their parents? (Respectful? Rude? Polite? Scared?)

Religion?
This may be petty for some, but for me it is important. I want my boys to be brought up in a household that is God fearing, and attends church on a regular basis. I want to know that my boys are being cared for in a Godly home.

Who will be the primary care giver?
Again, petty for some, but not for me. I want a family who is dedicated to the family as a unit. Not two parents and a gagal of kids all going in different directions all the time. Everyone (even Bob and I) take a break from the kids and go out without them, but I don't want them raised by a nanny.

And last but not least....
Although the grandparents would be good at this, they have already raised their kids. It's their turn to be the grandparents. I would however make sure that whoever we leave our kids with understands that the grandparents are allowed to visit (when convienent) and as often as possable. Grandparents have a special roll in a childs life and vise versa, and I wouldn't want to take that from either Mike or Greg or any of our parents.

So there you have it. The questions I ask myself, the things that keep me up, or wake me up in the middle of the night.
The reason I take my Saturday and go to things like that, knowledge is power. And in this regard I want all the power I can have because in the end I'll have no say. I'll be gone, and I need to make sure while I can that my kids are taken care of.

So what about you? Have you thought about this? What are you doing to make sure your kids are taken care of?

Wow, not a lot....

Wow, not a lot has been going on here lately. Thankfully, this semester is almost over for Bob. 1 exam left. Then he has a break then we all travel to N.D. for a week. What am I suppost to do with the boys while he's in classes? I don't know but I will think of something. Then he has NO classes this summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We can actually have a life again. Unfortanitally with the close of the semester for Bob also comes the end of the year for Pre-school for Mike. What am I going to do with two little ones during the summer? A lot of time spent at the pool, and playing outside. I'm sad that Mikes school year is coming to an end. He has grown so much this past year. He is doing so well. I wonder what the summer will hold for him. I hope he doesn't plato over the summer. As with everything else for him, only time will tell.

OK: I'm going to use this to my advantage. I have some prayer requests that I am going to put out there, if you pray cool, if you don't it's between you and God. I'll never know.

1. Bob's last exam.
2. Traveling with two little ones, by car, to North Dakota.
3. Jassilines safty. (Shes like my sister and she's in the Navy on the Lincon.)
4. My sister in laws pregnent, safty for her and the baby, and a smooth delivery.
5. A friend, who will remain nameless, is pregnent and having some complications.
(NO IT'S NOT ME....)
6. That I will be a better stewerd of the little bit God has given me.
(Time, money, friendships, ect.)
7. GREG. I love him, but he's VERY strong willed and I don't know how to train him in a manner that doesn't crush him or break every wooden spoon in our house.

That's it for now. I'll let you know as things progress.

Thanks, Thea

What about you?

This morning Bob and I where driving in Athens and listening to 91.3, nothing new for him, but I don't really listen to it. Anyway, they do this thing on Fridays where common everyday people talk with common every day people. Today this girl was talking with her grandfather (who is 90). First of all I can't imagin being 90. She was asking him about his life. He said some interesting things.
He said his father couldn't understand him, because he wasn't a farmer like the rest of his family. His brother followed in their fathers footsteps, but he couldn't have, "to save his life" as he put it. They talked about her grandma (who has passed away), it was sad to hear a 90 year old man cry about loosing the love of his life. She asked him why he loved her grandma so and he said, "I don't know, I just do". They had been married 70 years. 70 YEARS....... That is amazing to me. I can't imagin what I will be like when I am 90. When I am 90, if Bob or I are still around, we'll have been married 70 years. They closed the mini interview by him saying to her that her grandma and him NEVER followed in anyone elses shoes and neither should she.

What a blessing to hear this man tell his grand daughter that. It makes me wonder am I blazing my own trails? Or following in someone elses path? What about you?