Marriage: Hah! What a joke. The "religous" would like to believe that they have this thing cornered. Unfortianatly, the divorce rate amoung "christians" is as high or higher than that of the world around us. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If we are to be the salt of the world, we are truely lacking.
Bob and I said early on that divorce would never come into our vocabulary and 10 years later we are still plucking away at it. Looking around me I have seen so many marriages fail, most between 10 and 20 years that subconsiously, I am a bit fearful of the next ten years. Although my inlaws split up after 27 years, so that is a concern.
Oh well, Bob and I agree there is nothing that we can't work through. Why don't more people try to work things out? In the long run it is the kids who end up getting screwed. If adults want to mess up their lives be my guest but once you have kids, I feel, that your prioritys should shift to what's best for them, and then you. (A taboo, among Americans, but it's my blog, so I'll write how I feel.)
Now understand that if you or your children are in danger by all means leave. I don't support being in any type of abusive relationship, but if you can't agree over the color to paint the walls, that's just stupid. I look around and see to many times that people are getting divorced over silly or sometimes down right stupid things, and I have to wonder why even get married in the first place?
4 comments:
Thea, I guess on some level we agree. I just don't think it is that simple-- "just work it out." So many people bring so many levels of brokenness. I talk with couples all the time who wait too long to get help and so much resentment build. It can get complicated.
Also, I would STRONGLY argue that "priorities shifting for what is best for the kids" is exactly why our divorce rates are so high. If you look at the divorce statistic, they overwhelming show that it the pressure of kids (shift of affection, financial pressure, etc) that are primary factors in divorce. Many people divorce after 25 years of marriage because the kids leave the home, and they found they "built their lives around doing what is best for the kids"... and now... no kids. And no marriage.
"And and man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. The "one flesh" relationship was never meant to be parent/child... and THAT is why many marriages fail.
Also, the "divorce rates the same between Christian and non" statistics we hear are not quite accurate. There is a lot that factors into that... big ones being "what is a Christian" and the amount of premarital and on-going counsel they receive -- but you are right... it is really, really sad. I just wish counseling didn't have the stigma it did... most couples I know could use marriage counseling. MOST. All? Counseling is just that... counsel.
With all that said... I agree with the heart of the post. Marriage is in a sad condition.
I realize it's not that simple, but I don't believe it's that hard either. The lines of communication in relationships are more often than not broken, or where never there to begin with. Personally, I know more "christians" that are divorced than non-christians. Including my own parents, after 13 years or something like that, (although, I'm not really sure about my moms salvation), and my in-laws, after 27 years. It's sad.
Yea... I was wondering if you would fight me! (I would NEVER had said that so strongly to someone I didn't think could take it!). :)
Thea, you are so right. I mean, sometimes it really takes just the decision to keep working. But I think you hit on something very important re: communication never having been there. Many times, relationships are built on little or nothing. There is no substance. Or it has all been put to the kids. And that makes it hard because you not only have to "start again" but unlearn some of the stuff you are doing.
But you are clearly right... marriage is in a sad condition in the church. And it begins with you and me making sure ours is strong. And then encouraging each other. Thanks so much for your thoughts.
I love ya Paul!
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