Am I happy?

So Bob and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary last week.
This morning he asked me Am I happy?

With my children?-Yes
With my husband?-Yes
With my house?-No
With my life?-Not really, but I don't know why?
With my self?- Depends on the day

What do I want?-

I want more kids.
I want to do something with my life that will impact my community, and its future.
I want my home to be a place of safty and refuge to those who need it.
I want to be someone people can call on when they have problems and need help.
I want to be smarter, funnier, sexier, more serious (with out loosing my ability to play).
I want to be my husbands best friend, my kids mentor, someone they can look up too.
I want to be... what? What do I want to be?

When I was a child, I had a grand plan to be a fighter piolet, untill I had to get glasses. I was fearless, the first up a tree, and the highest climber. There was no jump I wouldn't try on my bike, and I would fight with a passion for what I believed in, and for my friends. What happened to that girl? She was beautiful. Did she "grow up" or shrink away? (Do I want to leave her alone or try to bring her back, she had a temper, and was loud and rude sometimes, but smiled more and didn't carry the weight of the world on her shoulders.)

I want to be brave, strong, courageous, tough, and look damn good doing it.

As a general rule, I am happy with my life. I sometimes wonder what if...

What if I never moved to Pentwater? I would have never meet Bob.
What if I never married Bob? I have no idea.
What if I never got pregnent? No kids doesn't sound so bad some days, others they are a laugh a minute.
What if we had chosen to let Mike die instead of doing all we could to keep him alive? I would have missed out on a blessing like no other. A challange yes, but a blessing just the same.

Those are my big what-ifs.

So am I happy? I have no idea lets table it for now and come back to it in a few weeks.