From time to time I look back from where I have come to where I am. It helps put where I want to get to in focus. Looking back I was a self centered teen and although physically ready to be married at 20, mentally, I still had a lot of growing up to do. There was no way I could have handled Mike and his disabilitys at 23, when I really wanted to be pregnent. I'm not sure I did that great at 26, but I did the best I could. It gets easier as time goes on. I think I may have rushed into getting pregnent with Greg, but wouldn't trade either of them for anything. So that being said, where do I go from here? I'm happy (for the most part) with two kids. I love my husband and sons more than words can say.
These are my issues right now...
Why do I want to go back to school?
What's my motivation?
Is it to honor God or to make myself more important?
Does it matter to my kids at 2 am if the mommy they cry out for is a geneticist or just plane old Thea?
Will it matter as they get older?
As I get older?
(OK so I'm not so in focus yet!) Any input, from anyone, on this would be helpful. Thanks.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
you know, if nothing else this blog forces you to write out your thoughts.
by the way, i'm impressed.
lub bob
hmmm....i may have some things to add. :)
1. going to school and gaining employment in ANY field will not make you more important than you already are. god doesn't look at you and see Thea the Employee. people who believe that their jobs give them power will have serious issues when they either retire or when someone out does them in their field.
2. maya doesn't look at me as anything other than her mother. yes - she knows i work. we talk about what i do. but when she needs mommy, my job doesn't matter one bit. people who say otherwise - no matter where they work, in the home or outside the home - are dead wrong.
3. it doesn't matter to your children what "job" you hold in life as long as you've done your best to teach them the importance of contributing to society - in all its forms - and have taught them to respect women. (men, too - but they don't seem to struggle with working in v. out of the home.)
4. it might matter to you as you age. it might not. i can honestly say that i'm content having gone back to work. yes, sometimes i'd love to have a different job. yes, i do consider taking a break from the career life once we can survive without my income. but i will not stop working. if i chose to quit pursuing a career, i'll fill that void with other things. volunteer work, managing my home, pursuing my interests, education.
we all struggle with identity. but while you are questioning and seeking direction, remember the truth. you can lose everything, but your importance in the eyes of god will never change. and that's all that matters.
Thea, you answered your own question, earlier.
A thought to leave you with today....
In 100 years no one will care about the car you drove, or what your house was like but how you lived your life. What is it you want people to say about you when you kick the bucket? For me I want them to say I was a good and loyal friend, wife and mother. Honestly the rest is just details.
Susie
thanks guys, you have given me some insite as to my motivation. I'm still not in focus but I think things are working themselves out. I'll keep you posted.
Post a Comment